Thursday, 3/14/02: Cruising

I am increasingly fascinated by the gargantuan new SUV's that I see on the streets of Brooklyn. These 2002 models that are out now... oh, my god! They are huge. It's as though a herd of elephants is now loose in the city and, for the most part, we don't really think anything of it. So, I've been taking care to really notice these gi-normous mutant station wagons as of late. Next time you see one, try staring at it for a few moments. Take special note of it. Remember some of the details. Don't just let the SUV slip by unremembered. In a few decades you can tell your grandkids what these vehicles were like as you putter about the city in your algae-powered scooter.

I saw this one SUV last night at a traffic light. It was just jaw-dropping. I'd never seen anything quite like it and I gave it a good stare as I walked by it, even turning my head as I passed. I'm going to start carrying a camera with me so I can catalogue these beasts on the site here. This one last night was painted that dull silvery brushed metal color that all the new cars are now. And it was boxy, bulging and oddly misshapen. Nothing about it really seemed to make sense, especially on the streets of New York. I mean, how do you park these things?

The guys inside thought I was staring at them so, when the light turned green they pulled around, rolled down their window and asked me something that I couldn't quite hear. Though the driver sounded friendly enough with his foreign accent, he and his pal looked kind of dodgy and I was a little bit worried that I had again managed to anger another homicidal Brooklyn motorist. So, I kept my distance and asked the guy to repeat himself. He said, what sounded to me like, "Are you from France?" I was like, huh? He said again, "Do I know you from France?" I said, "France?" "No," he pointed across the street to our local gay bar and articulated more clearly, "Do you hang out at Friends?"

So, there you go. I was being cruised. The raison d'etre of this gigantic, throbbing, bulked-up, ostentatious SUV on the streets of New York suddenly made at least a little bit of sense.

There are quite a few really good honkus being written and posted in the LampPost Bulletin Board. And I've put some good new stuff up in the Honking Resources & Ideas section of the site. Check it out when you get a chance. I dug up a lot of noise-related legislation and I'm starting to kick around the idea of suing the New York City Taxi & Limousine Commission to get them to modify the horns of all of the vehicles that they regulate. There's a ton of federal, state and city legislation on the books that they're violating by allowing these Ford Crown Victoria yellow cabs to blast away at 120 decibels on crowded city streets. I'd love to put little pipsqueak LeCar horns on all those suckers. Turn them into Ford Eunuch's...

-- Aaron